Manners vs. Etiquette

The words are used synonymously but there is a slight difference in their meaning. Etiquette refers to rules governing socially acceptable behavior. eg. dining etiquette refers to the correct way to set a table and dine. Manners generally refers to kind and acceptable behavior when interacting with others. The difference came to mind this week when I went to the Post Office to mail four packages; two envelopes, a small box and a slightly larger box with books...heavy. It was cold and of course I wanted to make one trip in and one trip out. I hope there wasn't a camera on me....but there was a man heading toward the PO who I saw out of the corner of my eye. First I dropped one envelope, picked it up...then another...picked it up...then the small box. I finally put the heavy box down pushed it against the wall with my foot, left it there to come back for and walked to the door. The man then sprinted to beat me to the door. Now there are no rules for how to behave when you are headed toward a PO and see someone struggling with her packages...but really? Would it have killed him to give me a hand? That situation called for manners...old fashioned gentlemanly manners. At the very least he could have held the door.

While researching ancestors, by luck, the internet and amazing coincidence I found a third cousin on the other side of the continent who just a week ago introduced her newly published book, 101 Ways to Say Thank You - Notes of Gratitude for All Occasions by Kelly Browne So, if you are stuck, tongue tied or don't know how to thank someone for a perfectly awful gift, Kelly's book will guide you.

Holiday Thank You Notes

You can imagine an etiquette expert has a fairly large list of pet peeves. I have a bunch. Among my top ten? Not acknowledging a gift with a thank you note. If you have not written your notes for the gifts you received during December then you better get to it. Entitlements do not require a thank you; gifts do. As an employee, vendor or client you are entitled to either a pay-check for work done, prompt payment for goods and services provided or good customer service. Employees, vendors and clients are not entitled to gifts. A gift is something given voluntarily, without payment in return, to show favor toward someone. The act is deserving of a thank you note.

So, it is rude not to do so. If a person or company is thoughtful and takes the time to acknowledge your friendship and business relationship by sending a gift, the person or company as a whole deserves to be thanked.

The giver has spent time and money to purchase the gift and send it to you. Have the courtesy to let him know you have received it.

You will look ungrateful and classless if you don't. It is not just polite and proper, it will shed light on you as a class act. Get some decent business stationery..nothing with cats or flowers...a good pen and take a half hour to put your gratitude to paper and send it to those who thought of you during the holidays. No, an email does not suffice.